Patience: Good Things Take Time

As always, it is good to see you back! For those that were here for Interterm I hope you have had a refreshing pause this past weekend. And for those who have been away since before Christmas, we are especially glad to see you back home with us again! Some of you were off campus last fall; in Oxford or Africa where I got to see you in November. You will really add to us this spring as salt & light among us. And finally, some of you are brand new! I won't embarrass you by making you stand, but I hope you feel a warm welcome. Most of us that work at Greenville College do so because we love students. When you're away we miss you!

Over the past year or two, I have shifted in my chapel talks from focusing on paradoxes to talking about some of the virtues that we have in mind when we say Greenville College tries to help educate you for lives of character. In the past months I have spoken about the virtues of courage, hope, faith, honesty, responsibility, and discipline.

Virtues are those qualities of your character that make you tend to behave in good ways, especially when you are under pressure. Vices of course are the opposite. They are qualities of our character that make us tend to behave in bad ways; again especially under pressure. Most of us can choose to do the right things when we have time to think about it. But the real test of character is what we do by “instinct,” by “character,” when push comes to shove under the pressure of time, or stress, or peer influence.

Character is not about what you have in your head, it's about what you have trained yourself to be like in your intellectual, moral, and spiritual “reflexes.” In fact character is a lot like the reflexes of a trained athlete who when the ball comes at a certain speed at a certain angle, almost automatically moves in ways that have been practiced over and over. It's like the reaction you have riding a bicycle or driving a car when the handlebars or wheel move a little one way or the other. You lean or turn almost automatically. It's like the reaction I learned after many bungled landings in a small plane. As the plane settles 20 feet off the ground, you feel it and manage the throttle, yoke, and pedals automatically. There is little thought given to it because those “reflexes” have been honed by practice over long periods of time. If we hope to help you become persons of character, it will not happen just by our talking about them like I want to do today. You must find and take every opportunity….we must help you find opportunities…to practice them over and over!

Most of you have heard me say that intellectual, moral, and spiritual growth, like physical development, requires stretching, or when I say it more directly, “pain.” But now I am reminding you that besides pain , this growth, whether physical, intellectual, moral, or spiritual also requires practice . To that old familiar saying, “No pain, no gain!” I am adding the equally familiar, and thus equally easily overlooked saying, “Practice makes perfect.”

Today I want to talk to you about the virtue of patience for two reasons. First, because it is a virtue all by itself. It is a quality of character, that makes us better people inside all by itself. But second, it also happens to be the virtue that helps us acquire other virtues. It does this by allowing us to persist in whatever practices are essential to acquiring any virtue. So, it is both a virtue in itself, and it is a “helper” virtue too.

Before I go any farther I must confess two doubts that I had over the weekend as I thought about speaking to you today. First, I couldn't help see that talking about patience to young people might be a lot like spitting into the wind. When I was younger, waiting was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted everything yesterday! But as you will see, it seemed the Lord used circumstances to keep nudging me toward the topic. My second doubt arose because I am still one of the most impatient people I know! Just ask my wife Ellen or my assistant Tamie sitting down there. How can someone as impatient as I am, give anyone help on patience! But I found some consolation and courage to go ahead when I read one church father, Tertullian, confess to the same failing! He remarks that it's no worse for an impatient person to speak of patience, than for a sick person to speak of health. In both cases it is a virtue of which the person has scant supply but great desire! So with that background and those caveats, I'd like to say a few things about Patience: How Good Things Take Time .

PRAYER

We live in a day of instant gratification! In our culture, waiting seems to be the surest sign of powerlessness! The rich and famous never wait. Imagine Bush waiting for Marine One or for Air Force One. Imagine Michael Jackson waiting for someone to bring him an umbrella for the sun! And more and more we do everything we can to make sure we don't wait either. Regular mail is called “Snail mail” so nowadays a huge percentage of quite ordinary business mail goes “Express Mail” or “Overnight” at great expense and for no obvious reason! Most of the time even that is too slow, so we use fax or email. But more and more even email is too slow. How many of you use “Instant messaging” on your computers? How many of you use “Text messaging” because you can't even wait until your friend is at their computer to get the instant message?! For those unwilling to wait in line for their rental car, Hertz has the #1 Club, Avis has the Wizard Club, National has the Emerald Club, Budget has the Fastbreak Club….you get the idea! Microwaves and MacDonald's spare us having to wait to eat, while VCRs and Tivos spare us having to adjust our schedule to that of cable TV. Even wealthy celebrities shoplift because they don't want to wait! And then there's the ubiquitous cell-phone. On the freeway in California a week ago, I counted more than half the drivers talking on their phones….and those were just the ones without headsets or built-ins! As I walked through the terminal in Orange County , everyone was talking, but to no one around them! In airports when I see the rare person talking on a pay phone I now find myself wondering why! “What's wrong?!” “Did they lose their cell phone?” Phones ring in all the wrong places….concerts, churches, chapel, and worst of all, even in classrooms! (I'm sure that never happens here!) We just can't wait to share urgent information like “We'll see you at the baggage claim in 2 minutes!” or ”I finally decided to wear the red sweater today.” or “The sun actually rose as we expected!”

In fact cell phones are a big part of why I wanted to talk to you about patience today. Last week, in California , my cell phone suddenly decided to get sick. I say sick because my email on the phone worked fine, the phone web access worked fine, even the instant messaging and text messaging worked fine. But with 4 bars of signal, whenever I tried to place a call, the signal faded and I got that horrible message, “Searching for Network!” Believe it or not, I simply couldn't place any call at all! When Ellen and I emerged from a visit to the home of the owner of In-N-Out Burgers, I tried to call my daughter to tell her to use the GPS and come pick us up as soon as possible. No luck! We finally had to resort to going back in the house to use the land line! Then because of our delay we had to walk 2 blocks on foot and wait at least a full 15 minutes to be picked up. Why it was positively embarrassing!

So back in St. Louis this weekend, I sprinted for the nearest Sprint store where I had a lot of time and material to help me think about patience. Thursday night I was greeted by the Sprint host at the Richmond Heights store on Clayton Road and took my place with the congregation in the chairs waiting for my name to be called. It was an hour and a half lesson on patience. I say “on” patience, not “in” patience because—for once—I wasn't the impatient one. I had no place else to go that night; Ellen was in the hospital. But more on that later. I saw 6-8 Sprint representatives behind counters dealing with irate customers one after the other. It was exhausting. One woman shouted about the refund of $20 that she said the agent had promised her; apparently on an earlier visit in the presence of the woman's daughter. She accused the young man of lying and racism in such a loud voice that the “bouncer”….yes there are “bouncers” in Sprint stores these days….slowly and inconspicuously moved himself to her side of the store, while 5-6 of us watched from our ringside seats. Another young woman at a different window raised her voice and eventually stalked out, only to return a few minutes later with some “higher up” on the phone who, “Wants to talk with you lousy Sprint agent!” You could FEEL the tension in the air and I felt my stomach tightening up just listening! Amazed at the show, and never one to pass up an audience, I remarked out loud to the receptionist and all the others within earshot still waiting with me, that Sprint needed to provide a big tub of TUMS for the spectators in the evening's entertainment. The receptionist guy replied, asking if I'd had a good day. I said “Yes,” this wasn't bothering me, because compared to the fact I'd just admitted my wife to Barnes Hospital , it was pretty trivial whether my phone worked. He said it had been a bad day for him. I could see why. I was tense just listening in for 90 minutes! Those agents must have some amazing training in patience to deal with it for 8 hours! Talk about impatience for a phone replacement, one earlier customer had even stolen the receptionist's own phone! When I was called to the counter a few minutes later the young man apologized for the furor. It saddened me to hear him say in a kind of stunned hurt voice regarding the first shouting woman, “I've never been talked to that way before in my life!” This was about $20!

I left Sprint that night without a solution, and had to go to a different store the next day where I spent another 2 and a half hours; this time without quite so much melodrama! Six hours later on the second day my cell phone issues were resolved. Now you might suppose I had been a paragon of patience. But it all took its toll…insidiously. When added to hospital delays that had me sleeping overnight in my wife's room, involved multiple phone calls to doctors, constant prodding of nurses to start a life-saving I.V. drip, to bring water or clean up vomit , and unnecessarily added 12 hours to our visit because the clerk scheduling MRIs was unwilling to use common sense….Well you get the picture. It all left me too well aware how frazzled we all get, and how easily impatience builds up almost unobserved and eventually blows our heads off! Road rage doesn't come from being cut off in traffic. It comes from the lurking, lingering hostility and anger that erupts when impatience bursts the bonds of our character and spews poison into the lives of everyone around us including our own souls!

So what is patience? The word comes from the latin word “Pati” for suffering. In fact we sometimes use the word “suffer” interchangeably with patience. Patience is “the capacity [virtue] to tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without becoming angry or upset.” It means bearing pain or trials calmly without complaint, showing restraint under provocation, remaining steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity. St. Augustine says it is “That by which we tolerate evil things with an even mind.”

Often we understand things better by looking at their opposite. Tertullian says that impatience is such a deep and pervasive vice that it might actually be considered if not the root of all evil then at least the accomplice or accessory of all evil. To use the language of chemistry, he seems to be saying impatience is like a catalyst for evil. Catalysts are not themselves part of the reaction, but serve to accelerate reactions that would take place not at all or at least much more slowly without the catalyst. So impatience catalyzes vice. Gluttony is impatient hunger. Gossip is impatient curiosity. Slander is hasty judgment, impatient to find the facts. Adultery is impatient lust….unwilling to wait for sexual satisfaction through marriage. Idolatry, like that of Israel while Moses was on the mountain, is perhaps a form of impatient worship. Do we wait for the Spirit patiently in our frantically scheduled worship services? Was the problem in Eden really impatient dominion?

In an interesting comment on the effects of impatience, Augustine remarks that while the impatient person will not “suffer” (tolerate) the evil of waiting, they will instead “suffer” (bear) the far greater evil within their souls that comes from its selfish haste! Impatience is short-sighted.

But where do we see impatience in our lives? Where do you and I really need patience? Let me suggest some places. If the shoe fits, wear it! If you have ears to hear, listen!

There are lots of small areas where we need patience. I say small because on the one hand these are fairly trivial inconsequential areas of our lives. But on the other hand they are absolutely crucial! As I have already said we learn all virtues by constant practice. That practice can come in any part of our behavior no matter how big or small. Patient repetitive small exercises of any virtue make it grow. So patient small exercises of patience are crucial too. As the saying goes, “Character is formed NOT in the big decisions of life, but in the thousands of little ones.” If you don't remember anything else this morning, I hope you'll leave thinking about the little things you do every day, every hour, every moment, that shape your character…and especially the virtue of patience.

Small things…like whether you are irritated standing in line handing in your chapel card, in line for lunch, in line at registration, in line at the store, in line at the traffic light. If you're like me, you switch to a faster lane on the freeway or in the grocery store and it automatically slows down! Sometimes I'm convinced God has a “special agent in charge” of teaching Jim Mannoia patience. The angel follows me around slowing down lines and lanes just to foil my efficiency schemes and offer me instead a chance to learn patience! Did you ever feel that way? Maybe you are irritated by your roommate; they never seem to change, no matter how many gentle…or not so gentle….hints about lights, loud bad music, borrowed clothes, dirty dishes, long phone calls at night, or just plain messiness. Or maybe it's the faculty member that doesn't return your paper soon enough. Now you may think I'm saying the fault is always yours and that roommates, professors, checkout clerks, and other drivers don't need to be improved. Not so! More on that in a minute, but for now, I'm just saying that no matter whether there is a real need for improvement in others, there is always opportunity for us to learn patience. Maybe if we spent more time figuring out how we could benefit from others' weaknesses and mistakes, we'd be better able to help them and ourselves all at once.

But there are also big things in which we need patience. Some of you are seniors and you're worried about what happens when you graduate. It's tempting to suppose it will never happen. My future son-in-law, Brandon just got a job last week. He was relieved, because for 3 months he wondered and worried! We worry and worry and worry. I remember when I was in third grade I was terrified one day when I saw some 8 th graders fighting harshly with one another. I went home and cried saying I was afraid of growing up. I'll never forget my dad taking me on his lap and holding up my little hand flat against his big hand with fingers splayed apart. He said, “Jimmy, don't worry, you still have this many years till you are in 8 th grade. (That's the only reason I know I must have been in 3 rd !) By the time you get to their age, you'll be ready!” He was saying, take each step as it comes; “Be patient.”

But this same principle of patience applies to other big things. It also means we must be careful about impatience regarding all aspects of our own personal development. You may not yet know how to be a really good friend. Give it time. You may be impatient with some of the hard lessons you are learning in the classroom. They may be stretching you more than you can understand. You want to see right now how it will help you get a job or how it will make you a better person. Have you ever asked yourself or a “prof” how a particular topic is “relevant” to the job you have in mind? Have you ever asked how questions about your faith could possibly make you a stronger Christian? Again I am not saying there is no need for improvement in how these kinds of “trying experiences” are delivered; there always is. But I am saying we need patience over years to see the effect of this equipping and shaping educational process. I always enjoy the reports from GC alums 5-10 years out who see what patience has wrought in their lives.

Finally, for some reason I feel the need to mention one final big area in which we need patience. It is in regard to our own self-esteem. I know there are many in this room who don't feel they are worth very much. You may even want to give up; on college, on relationships, even on life. I think your parents and others that love you would want to remind you of what I have wanted my children to remember. You've seen the T-shirt, “I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent….AND God isn't finished with me yet!” I urge you to be patient with yourself. Don't act rashly. Don't give up on yourself. Remember God is STILL at work.

Before we finish, let me turn to what I think are some barriers to patience in our lives. First, as I hinted a few moments ago, is the barrier of knowing WHEN to be patient and when to press harder for improvement either of our own circumstances or of the system that is trying our patience. One response I find often in myself is the temptation to respond impatiently because I don't think I should be walked on! It's un-American for anyone to take advantage of me. So I need to speak up and press for my rights. Often impatience is rooted in this rationale. Well yes, sometimes we must speak up. This is especially true in cases of genuine abuse. But in our impatient, rights oriented culture, it is important to remember that Christ was constantly taken advantage of. Are we patient enough to allow the circumstances, however unjust they may feel, to do the work of building character in us? Remember patience is a helper virtue to all others, just as impatience is a catalyst for most vices!

Another frequent rationale for impatience is that we fool ourselves into thinking we are just unselfishly trying to improve the system. Oh how often I hear students and employees say, “Oh, I'm pushing the issue not for my sake, but for the benefit of others who come after. I don't want this to happen to them.” I confess, I often hear MYSELF say the same thing! Ok! Good point! Without some who are bold we never make progress. So the challenge is to know when to press forward impatiently and when to hold back. This is surely one of those complex, grey, slippery slope judgments in life for which there is no easy answer. But let me suggest that one important consideration is our motive for impatience. If it is to bring justice or help to another, it may be right. If it is for personal gain or personal revenge, then think very carefully about the lost opportunities for growth in patience before pushing ahead.

A second barrier to developing the virtue of patience in our life is not just the challenge of knowing WHEN to exercise it, but also of knowing HOW to exercise it. I am afraid that too many of us think that patience requires us to cover our real feelings on and on almost indefinitely. When it sometimes eventually becomes obvious this is impossible, we blow our stack, completely out of control. This tendency may be particularly common among Christians, because we seem to believe that confrontation or showing displeasure is unchristian. What I think is missing, is the ability… a skill that is natural for some but that I think can also be acquired…to show our feelings, express our impatience, more gradually. This often prevents the blow-out, and sometimes accomplishes our goal more quickly then either the cover-up or the blow-out would do. People cannot respond if they don't know how you feel; but they also balk at responding if you blow your top. In short it may be that we need to learn to be gradually assertive without becoming aggressive . Mull over that distinction in your mind and consider where you stand along that scale.

I have said that patience is both a virtue in itself, and a helper virtue that enables us to persist in the practices essential for the formation of any virtue. These twin values, one intrinsic and the other instrumental, are both affirmed over and over in the Bible. Galatians tells us that patience is a “fruit of the Spirit.” In other words, when the Holy Spirit is alive in us, we will show His presence through the patience of our behavior and our attitudes. The fruit and flower of a plant is good in and of itself. So likewise in your character; it is a beautiful thing in God's eyes to see a patient person.

But the Bible also underscores the second twin value; that patience is an instrument to achieve other good things in our lives. It is an impression of this “helper” role that I most want to leave with you today. Romans 5 (3-5) urges us actually to rejoice in our difficulties because when faced patiently, they produce character, and that character in turn produces hope. When I talked to you in December I begged you to remember that as followers of Jesus Christ we ought always and above all others to be people of hope. Our hope is a hope that “does not disappoint because God's love has been poured into our hearts.” So if you take your walk with Christ seriously, and genuinely want to be a person of hope, expect difficulties, but then be sure to face them patiently. Otherwise, you will miss the lesson in character that the Holy Spirit wants you to learn. Sometimes I pray, “Lord help me to learn my hard lessons quickly and remember them, so you don't have to keep stretching me over and over to learn them or repeating the pain again and again for me to re learn them!” Lest this sound like a recipe for self-torture, hear the words of James (1:12): Happy is the man who endures difficulties patiently!

In closing please consider my favorite passages regarding patience. They come from Hebrews. There we are urged to be “earnest” Christians; that is “really serious” about achieving the hope we have. To do this we are told not to be “sluggish” Christians, “slackers” in our attitudes. But instead we are to be energetic (keen) in following the example of others who, as the Phillips version puts it, “through sheer patient faith, come to possess the promise.” Notice this is about our attitude not our behavior. Get the attitude and everything else follows!

But above all be patient. I recall in 1970, being in a relationship I eagerly wanted to see go forward. I can remember it seemed to stall and stall and stall. I agonized, believing that unless I figured it out, unless it moved forward, I must not yet have found God's will. I remember to this day, the liberation I felt when that friend sent me the passage from Hebrews 10:36. “Patient endurance is what you need, if, after doing God's will , you are to receive what he has promised.” It doesn't say, first be patient then you will see His will. Rather it assures us that we may well already have done His will, may well be doing His will, and yet nevertheless may well have to endure patiently in order to receive the joy and peace He has promised and for which we hope.

God's promise is to transform us into the image of His Son Jesus Christ. Today I urge you, please, please, please, “Be Patient.”

Let's pray: Lord in the quiet of this moment…on the cusp of a new semester…..teach us to be be patient. Amen.

In “Of Patience” circa 202 A.D.

Compact Oxford English Dictionary

Merriam Webster Online

On Patience, St. Augustine

Galatians 5:22

Romans 5:5

Hebrews 6:11

Phillips 6:12