Embracing Paradox: To See But Not to See

Over the past several weeks, I have spent a lot of time driving in blizzards, night and day, on ice and snow, headed east and headed west. The most recent stretch of course was the long pull from New York to Greenville in 2-car caravan lugging those parts of the family that would not have found the inside of the moving van hospitable to living creatures: people, plants, and even our black lab Fiel. And of course it happened smack in the middle of the snow storm of the decade!

But there had been an earlier trip too. Our family gathered for the holidays at my son's bachelor condominium in downtown Minneapolis. New York to Minneapolis is a LONG 17 hours! How many healthy rice cakes can you eat before the craving for real junk food wins out?! The trip back home to New York, was even longer. Naturally, the after Christmas "catch-up" meant truck traffic was timed to match our travel. Every tractor trailer in America was on I-90 headed east that dark snowy night. It seemed my wipers had been shipped from England on the Mayflower and when I replaced them, the new ones immediately froze up. What's more, the heavy wind caught them enough on every sweep to lift them off the window leaving an opaque band of dried salt precisely at eye level. To make matters worse, it seemed that every time I pulled alongside the biggest tractor trailers and reached that critical moment of blindness puncturing the truck's bow wave of muddy spray, the left lane would get icy and the washer fluid reservoir would dribble its last and run completely dry!

To put this all another way, over the past several weeks changing homes and changing jobs has forced me to spend a lot of time thinking about vision….wishing I could see more clearly. Maybe you have felt the same way these days. Whether you have braved the wintry interstates or debated what major you would like to choose, or even just worried what you will do when you graduate in May, you may also have been thinking about vision.

My training is in physics and in philosophy. In physics I specialized in optics, which means I spent a lot of time huddled in a very dark lab thinking a lot about light. As a philosopher, I specialized in metaphysics…which means I spent a lot of time wrestling in the dark with a lot of definitions….wishing I had some light! So of course, both these experiences affect my thinking and what I would like to say about vision. [They make me equally inclined to experimentation and to theory.

That word 'vision' has an interesting ambiguity. Often it refers to the result of seeing. It is a kind of mental picture; as in "I saw a vision," or "Heather is a vision." At other times it refers to the capacity to see, as in "I had the optometrist check my vision," or "Owls have amazing night vision." And sometimes this ambiguity can get confusing. On the highway that night a few weeks ago I had my vision but sure wished I had a vision. I could see but sure wished I could see. [I think you get the picture here, right?]

So maybe, like me, you sometimes get confused and wonder if you have vision at all. You believe you can see but you can't really see. It may be that you do have the capacity to see, but you just can't see the picture. I would like to suggest two reasons why this sometimes happens, why it is okay, and what we can do about it.

Sometimes, those with good vision cannot see because it is too dark.

That night returning from Minneapolis to New York, we had been driving 13 hours already. Chicago was history and Cleveland was ahead. Moisture-laden air over warm lake Erie was driving prevailing northwesterly winds back over cold northern Ohio. The dewpoint dropped like an express elevator and with it dropped tons of lake-effect snow. It was very dark. At first, we moved ahead; not at all sure where we were going. I used all the tricks….living in western New York-"lake-effect heaven"-you learn them well….they are survival skills! And they are all good advice for people with vision who cannot see.

First, you don't change directions too quickly. Second, you slow down. Third, you look out the windows to the sides to gauge your road. And fourth, at least if you're a former physicist, you may even try to imagine how the tires are feeling. But above all, fifth, you keep moving. Sometimes it takes great courage to keep moving. Whether it is passing a tractor trailer in a blizzard at night or just getting up on those dark mornings when your vision is faded, it takes courage to keep moving because you wonder if you really can still see.

By about 9 p.m., we realized we were alone on the road. At the next rest area we pulled in and discovered where everyone had gone. The whole of I-90 was already there! We talked to others, we listened, and we weighed our options. Again each of these is good advice for people with vision who cannot see. But in the end we did NOT move ahead; we waited. We stayed a while at the rest stop, then crawled ahead slowly a mile or two to an exit without knowing for sure where we were going. We found a motel and waited again-this time, reluctantly, overnight. We still had a clear vision of our home in Houghton 250 miles ahead. But for the time being, because we could not see, we needed to wait. As we waited, we hoped we would see more clearly tomorrow. And we did. The day was clear and we moved forward again, all the way home. So sometimes, when we have vision but cannot see, it takes courage to move ahead. But sometimes, it takes a different kind of courage to wait; not sure of where we are going.

Abraham understood this lesson of moving and waiting in the dark. When God called him out of the land of his ancestors, he moved ahead obediently even when he couldn't see where he was going. In the selection from Hebrews (11:8) we just read, we are told, "By faith Abraham obeyed when called to go out to a place which he was to receive as an inheritance; and he went out not knowing where he was to go." Because he had vision, Abraham courageously moved ahead even when he could not see.

But that is not the end of the story, or of Abraham's courage for that matter. The account in Genesis (15:12) makes it clear that moving ahead even for Abraham was not an easy matter. We all recall the famous passage recounting his faithful obedience; "He believed the Lord and it was reckoned to him as righteousness." Yet within only a few verses, we are told that "a dread and great darkness" fell upon him. Even with fresh vision, like Abraham, we can grow discouraged and depressed. Perhaps you have known that feeling and the fear that you have lost your vision in the dark.

In this case Abraham was also expected to show the courage to wait. God had given him the capacity to see, but only to see a very few details. It was vision for a promised land and Abraham had moved ahead without knowing where he was going. But God had also given a vision for offspring, an entire nation, who would number with the stars of heaven; and Abraham was already 75 years old! Twenty-four years later, Abraham still had his vision but God had not given him the picture. For 24 years in the dark, he had waited. It is tough to wait that long and pretty easy to try to do things your own way or grow cynical…even if you are Abraham. [Hagar?] In fact, after all those years, when God reminded him of the promise (Gen 17:1-8), we are told "Abraham fell on his face and laughed" (v17). Now I think this is great! There are not that many places in the Bible where we read about laughter.

Can you see the picture here? He has been promised a huge family. But he has been waiting longer than most of you have been alive! And now old Abe is 99 years old. Keep in mind this is before the days of Viagra. He is not just amused, but I get the impression from the account that he thinks God's reminder is hysterical. He falls on his face laughing. When you are 99 years old you do not fall on your face too frequently or too casually…you might not get back up. In fact, I imagine old Abe is actually on the ground rolling around laughing. "Right Lord, give me a break! You have gotta be kidding."

But the story gets better. Apparently Abraham has not told his wife Sarah about this vision for a promised nation, or for that matter, about the reminder and the laughing episode 24 years later. I suppose you can understand why not. She's 90 years old herself. You might say Abraham has vision but again, he just can't see it happening, so there's no use stirring up trouble with someone [his wife!] who would obviously have to play a pretty big part in making it happen!

In any case, sometime later, the Lord returns, this time meeting Abraham under the oaks at Mamre and reminds him again of the vision. This time Sarah is listening at the door. Now it's her turn to laugh. Scripture tells us she at least had the decency not to roll around on the ground doing it in God's very presence. It says she "laughed to herself" saying "After I have grown old, and my husband is old, shall I have pleasure?" Unfortunately, discretion doesn't work when the jokester is omniscient! God responds, as if offended; "Abraham, why did your wife laugh? Doesn't she think I can really do this?" Luckily for Abraham, Sarah jumps in. I mean, it's not my idea of fun to get into an argument with the Creator. As Jacob discovered, a body can get hurt! But unfortunately for Sarah, she was scared and that's exactly what she did. She said, "I didn't laugh" and God replied, "Oh yes you did!" Now there's no report on how long this "Yes you did!" "No I didn't" went on. Having raised two children of my own I can assure you it can go on a long time. But the fact is God had the final word. Within a year Isaac was born, and the rest is history…"heilsgeschicte" "religious history" to be precise.

When neither of them could see, Abraham and Sarah had the vision and courage to wait. 1. In the words of Oswald Chambers,

"When God gives a vision and darkness follows, wait…Never try and help God fulfil His word. Abraham waited through 24 years of silence, but in those years all self-sufficiency was destroyed; there was no possibility left of relying on common sense ways." (My Utmost 1/19)

I have one final thought about keeping our vision even when we cannot see in the dark. In 1969 I was an officer of the InterVarsity chapter at M.I.T. Following, perhaps, the example of the church at Antioch, the other officers felt led to appoint me as a missionary to begin an evangelistic Bible study in a dormitory where none of us lived and where we had no members. I posted some notices and soon was meeting in a basement lounge once a week with 3 or 4 students. The lounge was dark except for a recessed light that cast a narrow cone on our little group.

For two or three weeks, a young man attended but despite our invitations to move in closer, sat just outside that cone of light. He was a self-confessed atheist and rarely said anything at all. He just listened. Now I wish I could tell you there is a happy ending to this story and the young man eventually joined us and came to know the Lord. The fact is that after one memorable night, I don't recall that he ever returned and I never saw him again. That night the other students and I were having the perennial discussion, "How do you know God's will?" It was really just another variation on our focus today on having vision even when you cannot see. We went through all the standard answers….pray, read scripture, ask advice from wise Christian friends, use your common sense. But those answers were not all that satisfying, and as our confidence ebbed away, that young atheist spoke out of the darkness, words I have never forgotten. They gave me reason for courage to move ahead and courage to wait, even when my vision does not let me see in the dark. He said, "You Christians sure are funny people. If God is really who you say He is, He is surely more than able to make His purposes plain. It seems to me you guys ought to just worry about making sure you can accept it, whatever it turns out to be." Out of the mouths of donkeys, babes, and sometimes even atheists!

In the months of deliberation about coming to Greenville, I have sought to focus on submitting my will to His. And then, when it is dark and my vision does not let me see, I pray for courage to move ahead and courage to wait.

A few minutes ago I promised to suggest two reasons why we sometimes get confused and wonder if we really do have vision; why we believe we can see but cannot really see. The first reason was that sometimes those with good vision cannot see because it is too dark. But at other times even with good vision, we cannot see because it is too light!

That night driving to Cleveland, I noticed ironically that occasionally I had to turn my headlights down. You've probably noticed this yourself. The bright beams on heavy snow made it impossible to see. I confess that in New York I have sometimes driven with parking lights alone. My eyes were fine, but there was too much light.

Plato tells the story of a group of slaves born and raised in a dark cave. Chained with their backs to the mouth of the cave, their only experience is with the gray 2-dimensional shadows cast on a great inner wall by objects behind them which they cannot see. Because they know nothing more, they become experts at naming and even arguing with one another about the many shapes they see moving and changing across the great inner screen of their private world. When one day one of their company is released and emerges to face the full light of the sun, he is blinded and unable to see. He has vision but cannot see; in this case because it is too light. To those outside he is a new fool unable to do even the simplest things in his new place. If he is patient and waits courageously, his eyes will adjust and the profound beauty of a 3-dimensional world full of color will become plain to see. [And of course it is no use trying to return to his former friends still imprisoned in the cave. Were he to do so, his eyes, now accustomed to the bright light of the sun, would be useless in a dark cave and their complex questions about shadows would be impossible to answer. He would now appear as an old fool in his old world.]

Plato used his story to make a case for education. Seek the knowledge of the Good and you will escape the blindness of dark ignorance even if it means temporary blindness from the light of what you learn and the ridicule of others. But along with the early Christian interpreters of Plato, we can see how it is God, not just the Good we seek, even though we may for some time be blinded by His light. Again in the words of Oswald Chambers, "As soon as God becomes real, other people become shadows…..There is a darkness which comes from excess of light."

So today, we have vision. But though we have vision it may also be true we cannot see. "His ways are not our ways." "We see now only through a glass darkly." Whether blinded by darkness or blinded by light, the result is the same. The good news is we need not fear but take courage. With Abraham and Sarah we need courage to move ahead and the courage to wait. One day, sooner or at least much later, we shall see.

For now our task is to acknowledge our blindness. And that brings me to some closing thoughts. As I am sure you can see, all of this has been a form of personal confession; and maybe it is for you too. Coming to Greenville College this month I have vision. My vision is for us to become a place where the life of the mind is pursued for the glory of God. Where faculty and students work together to become men and women of character and service. In character to become more than dogmatists and more than sceptics, but both passionate and self-critical in our commitment to Christ. In service, to be both equipped and motivated to address the real problems of our world in the spirit of a servant. This vision grips me at the heart of who I am and motivates me every day.

But though I have vision, it is also true that I have felt my blindness, felt my lack of courage, felt my brokennes and inadequacy. There are many challenges, some new and some longstanding. I suffer because I know that I will disappoint you, and dashed hopes are among life's greatest tragedies. Already I realize that in some cases I cannot see because it is too dark….I just don't have the information and perspective I need. But in other cases I can't see yet because it is too light….there are so many competing lights of opinion. Your brilliant welcome has been dazzling.

So what am I to do? What are you to do? God gives us vision, but we can't see yet. To see but not to see, that's the problem. In our blindness we must never underestimate Him who is our Vision. For over 100 years Greenville College has been a place where people can confess their inadequacy and find courage from the Holy Spirit available through our community. Twenty-nine years ago this week, revival swept our campus. The Holy Spirit met blindness and inadequacy with acceptance and openness.

At that time emeritus professor Jim Rheinhard wrote, "God made me very conscious of His acceptance of me, even while I am unacceptable….I accepted my acceptance." Professor Frank Thompson wrote,

"The Holy Spirit is working with unusual effect…[people] are being led to face their personal spiritual needs and to experience God's forgiveness and personal wholeness. Individuals have found a new ability to be honest with themselves and with God…In my life, the constant presence of the Holy Spirit as a person is bringing me new faith and strength and wonder and joy."

Rev. Herb Coates, then pastor in Vandalia, and sharing the platform with me today, that week, 29 years ago said, "I sensed a deep peaceful contagious spirit of love…it was beautiful to see barriers of [all kinds] melt into insignificance." And a visiting professor from Brazil, a long-time personal friend, professor Yoshikazu Takyia said a marvelous thing about Greenville College. He said, "It is liberating just coming here. [God's] forgiving grace, healing presence, liberating action are felt by just coming here." That is the tradition of Greenville College. God's grace makes Greenville College a liberating place. And those same resources are available to me and to you today. The Holy Spirit is still alive and well among us. The Mid Winter faculty-staff retreat ended last week with a beautiful time of personal testimony and sharing. Some who have vision but cannot see, confessed. Others who have moved ahead or chosen to wait shared their insight, and everyone drew courage.

So today, as we begin a new semester, I ask you to pray. Pray for me, for yourself, and for Greenville College. Let us keep our eyes on Him and pray that His Holy Spirit will continue His historic endowment of vision even when we cannot see.

Let me close with the words of a Greenville student who sat where you are sitting only a few years ago.

"O gaze of love, so melt my pride, that I may in your house but kneel. And in my brokenness to cry spring worship unto thee, spring worship unto thee, spring worship unto thee."

1. As the Harper Study Bible note for Genesis 16:3 points out, they did try to use common sense, normal acceptable methods to fulfill God's will via Hagar. But they-and we-reap the consequences of what is essentially carnal. Cf. Chambers, My Utmost, January 19, 27, and 29.

Dr. V. James Mannoia, Jr.
Hebrews 10:32-39 & 11:1-2, 8