College Context S1E1: A Parent's Guide: Public vs. Private University
Published: December 01, 2020
Author: Dana DeFreezer
Mark Barigye: Hello my name is Mark and I'm an admissions counselor here
Kealin McLean: Hi my name is Kealin McLean and I’m an admissions counselor here. Welcome to the College Context Podcast. Today we’re talking about parents helping to decide either going to public or private Christian University.
MB: All right, awesome. Well, we have Terri and Paul Sunderland here and I understand that you guys have some students here as well and so we wanted to thank you for coming on this podcast and being able to give us kind of a unique you know experience of what it’s like to have children in college. Thank you guys for coming out but before we start what is the most interesting thing you have eaten?
PS: So what comes to mind for me is we took a trip to Hawaii and I had octopus soup and that was, it was good.
MB: yeah?
PS: It was really good but it was interesting.
MB: One time I had squid and it was at a buffet so I don’t think we have the same experience. And for you?
TS: I don’t, I mean I’m like leery about weird stuff you know. I remember once though he (Paul) had turtle soup and I think I took a bite of that. And I did like taste a frog leg once and that was, it was just like chicken. It’s like mini chicken with very little meat on it. That’s about it.
KM: I think the worst thing for me would have to be alligator, down south in Alabama with my parents. It was at an old down shack thing and I wasn’t prepared for this. They were like it tastes like chicken. It was nothing like chicken. It had this weird rubbery taste to it. It was different. Will I eat it again? No. But it was definitely different. It was worth trying so I can say that for sure.
MB: Well I mean one of the things that we’re gonna be talking about today is just kind of I guess how you integrate faith in the college making decision and you know things of that nature. One thing that I do want to highlight, an experience that I had here at Greenville University and I was a ministry major and so this is kind of like you know something that I’m passionate about but one thing that I really appreciated was kind of the spiritual diversity that is here. You’ll be with students who aren’t necessarily as far along in their walk with Christ and then you’ll be with students who are super passionate about their theology and things like that. So you’ll also have mentors, professors, and friends pouring into you all different types of ways. So that’s a benefit that I’ve seen in my time at Greenville is being surrounded by so many different types of people from different walks of life especially speaking spiritually. Then in a ministry perspective that’s always a great thing because now you’re challenged with different approaches and how to apply them after you graduate as well. What are the benefits in your guy’s perspective about picking a Christian University versus not picking a Christian University?
TS: Well there are plenty. I think first in my experience attending a private Christian college was simply that I was known and some of the biggest influences of my life came from that experience at that college and the biggest mentors of my life. College is a time when you question. You know you’re moving toward adult adulthood and you’re trying to evaluate what was social Christianity that you got brought up with going to youth group and what your parents taught you what was an inherited Christianity and you make these decisions for yourself and to have the different perspectives and the intellectual encouragement from people who know what they’re talking about and then the heartfelt spirituality of those who are walking it along with you is just really powerful. It’s a real gift.
PS: Yeah I’d say I agree with what Terri said but also it seems like college should be prepping you for the world but in a way that’s doing it as if it’s preparing socially and spiritually. In other words it's not just about the classroom or your degree. It’s about the ways that you live life these four years. We think that spirituality should be something that you’re not just with people exactly like you and there’s something powerful to that sense of difference that is for your good and certainly we believe in that as Christians that you will be better off when you’re around people that don’t walk like you and talk like you or come from the same background and experiences. If you pay attention you’ll learn a lot from those people who are different.
MB: Yeah do you have kind of something to connect with that?
KM: I mean going for it’s just not being so strong in my faith when I started going to school. Coming to a Christian school, it was a great benefit I can say that for sure and the people not only just being an athlete here but the professor’s here at Greenville was like one of the most influential things I had in a long time. Coach Barber here at Greenville. He has prayer sayings up there on our locker room but he’s usually just dropped like small gems here and there and that really stuck with me and I just like still to this day and just still growing as a person today. It’s great to see because at this point I didn’t think i’d be this far in my faith as I am. Mine, I'm still growing and I’m still learning everything to learn. I’m nowhere near saying I know a pretty good amount. Just going for and just having that opportunity and just getting that chance and hearing from other people. It pours into you like that. It’s a great thing to have at a small Christian campus.
MB: For sure. I think for me it was such a breath of fresh air coming from like a public school where teachers aren’t allowed to share anything about what they believe and you come to Greenville and you know we’ll be praying before class begins or something like that. That for me was like I made the right decision as far as schools to go to but as you know as we’ve already kind of stated that Greenville is a place where you’ll be with you know like Catholics, Protestants and all different types of denominations even. I do want to mention that we are kind of affiliated with the Free Methodist Church and so I know that’s kind of how we got introduced in Rice County through the Free Methodist Church that was the first time I’ve ever seen you but what can you kind of give us some information for parents who are sending their children to Greenville. What to expect from our particular kind of point of view as far as that goes.
PS: I mean my understanding is rather than getting caught up in Free Methodist because for many people that’s unknown and that’s okay. It really is. Our experience here isn’t that nobody’s trying to baptize you into just that particular stream of Christianity or faith but what it is it’s part of a bigger Wesleyan I would say stream or group of people within Christianity. So if you’re not familiar with Wesleyan, what that would be is priority on discipleship. The literal mentoring spiritually as you mentioned pouring into individuals, real relational spirituality. Huge part of the heritage of being Wesleyan. The huge priority for racial recognition and female leadership has a huge part of the legacy of what it means to be Wesleyan and again for us that’s just attractive. That’s something that we value personally and we certainly want our boys for their future to be influenced and part of. Then of course there’s other things but those things they’re kind of standouts for like what would it mean to be part of Free Methodists or Wesleyan.
KM: For my next question for you guys would be the kinda in the sense of what advice do you give to your kids going into college. People try and pick a Christian college has to say and deciding where they want to go to a like a public school or public college or going to Christian college. What are some benefits you think you can give to your son or daughter you never know about what eventually they can have going to this small school like that.
TS: We have a nephew that graduated from Ohio State University and when he comes for Thanksgiving he always cannot get over the stuff that the kids have done with professors. You know one was acting and coaches you know. They went on a trip to Chicago together one was in a play with one of them, having coffee with them. My nephew said I’ve not talked personally to one professor in the time that I’ve been here and he says and usually they don’t even know if I’m in class. He said the relationship and the accountability that’s amazing, just amazing.
PS: I remember once he said if I had to do over I would choose that route of the smaller possible relational approach
TS: He said I should have come here.
PS: He had a good experience but he just said there’s something I missed.
MB: Yeah definitely and that’s something that I tell some of the students that I talk to on a daily basis is the benefit of having like a smaller class size. You’re not just another number definitely if you’re missing class things and you’ll be getting an email and things of that nature. But definitely I think there’s a huge benefit especially in a christ-centered education of being able to know the people that you’re going to class with or the professors being able to know you and in turn be able to help you out better because college is a time of as you said discernment and you’re growing in a lot of different ways where you know you have to question not in a negative way but just to know more grow more and learn. You have to question things as you go and so it’s always nice to have a structure in which you know there’s people who are mature in their faith. People who know what you’re going through. People who can relate to you and be able to help you out and pull you along and really kind of just help you grow in that sense.
KM: Just having that benefit of having those relationships that you never thought you might have with a professor or just having that chance to be like hey can we get coffee and talk about this. That’s at big schools you can’t really do that with a professor.
MB: Or their house
KM: That is one I have never seen at a bigger school before ever. It’s just the fact that we can go get lunch or we can get coffee something like that with your professors. That’s not really heard often. And just having that, be able to do that and just go forward and being able to talk to a professor on a one-on-one basis and just being able to say like hey I’m really not understanding this can you take some time out for me and help me get to know this better and then be willing do that. It’s just that extra step that we are willing to go here. I think the professors ought to say they are willing to go here just to help you get over that edge.
MB: So definitely even with that being said of having you know having so many different voices that kind of influence you as a student now from a parent’s perspective what’s kind of the scary thing about that right and somehow how can parents kind of alleviate that anxiety that may come up as you have so many different voices that are you know speaking into your child and you know pulling in one direction or another. What kind of things you know can you say to that experience where you can maybe help out a parent who is sending their son or daughter to university for the first time?
TS: Scary for the parents or scary for the students? I think kids going off to college is very scary for the parents. I think you know we have a responsibility to let go and to trust God. That is a life of faith is trusting God not just with our own lives but with the lives of our children. I think it has to be a prayerful decision and you know so many times we’ve met students from here who said it just felt right and I think the Holy Spirit can enter into that you know just when you go and you experience for yourself you just get a sense of what is right, what is right for you. I think just trusting that there are people who care about your child more than just academically. You know very much academically but it’s more than that, just kind of gives you peace as a parent to know that they’re in good hands.
PS: Yeah we often would tell the boys that like somewhere around fifteen or sixteen, you almost stop parenting in the sense of authority. In other words tell them what they can and can't do. That kind of stops somewhere around sixteen and at that point there’s a shift in I think the role of parents that you start to affirm, encourage, you influence, you coach, you spend time with them, and by college though it becomes official. Then the parenting role is supportive that you literally are letting them go like the idea that they're staying overnight and they’re being with people you don’t know and they're in classes you’re not even on. So where all that kind of stuff there’s this sense of faith that you have to you have to trust something beyond your own control. So it’s that process when parents can see that you know this is good. This is the way it’s supposed to be. Then you have an environment like Greenville where you feel like you can trust that.
KM: You mentioned in that process, both of you guys mentioned that process of when to let go. I see some parents when we do on our phones where, I hear some parents be like what classes is he in, where is he at know. I’m like I do not know.
TS: Letting go is tough.
KM: At what point do you…
PS: And let me check if I’m allowed to show you.
KM: At what point as parents do you stop holding a hand in this whole process doing this all? Is it during like the beginning let them figure it out or is it when they’re here on campus or is it like second semester or alright you’ve been here a whole semester already now
MB: Time to fly..
KM: Time to fly..
PS: You know that makes me think about a vacation we took to New York when the boys were young teenagers and it was a great time. We did all kinds of fun things but there was one day we took a long walk at this National Park. We were about an hour into the woods on the trail. It started to downpour to the point where it washed the trail out like it was a legitimate storm and it was literally like an adventure to get back, like we were soaked to the bone. It was hard. It was really really hard for us and when we got back from the vacation we said to the boys well of all the things we did what was your favorite. They both immediately said getting out of that trouble. The four of us together figuring out how to you know make it work through the struggle and there’s something to that like it helps so much as a parent to see struggle isn’t bad. Like in fact some of the most important things happen in the struggle. So like when I want to equip my kids with are you safe, are you secure, are you happy and I like insist on that at 17 and 18. There’s a point when it’s actually working against what may be best for them.
MB: You just gave us a sermon right there.
KM: That was a quick one.
MB: That was great. Do you have anything?
KM: Just to add on top, I know in my process that when I was a student, my dad’s like yeah you got it go ahead. He said once you’re gonna graduate on time and I’m like oh wait.
MB: Were you the first one to go to college?
KM: No, so actually my sister went to college but she stayed close to home. So she went to Robert Morris close to home. I was the first one to leave completely and then when they figured it out for me, I was kind of a guinea pig. So they had it down packed by my little brother and he ended up going to a bigger school down south.
TS: I think that during the Student Orientation they said don’t let them come home for three weeks. You know because you know they’ve got the helicopter parents all over the room, that just like panicked.
PS: Texting them on the way to the car.
TS: Here they do this really neat ceremony where it’s called the ivy planting and then when they graduate they do an ivy cutting. Is that the right order? So there’s literally a ceremony where the parents leave
PS: Stand on the outer circle…
TS: They stand on the outer circle and then the kids move in together and then become their own community. So I thought that was just so cool and so symbolic for us as parents because you’re entrusting other people.
PS: You’re with a bunch of parents in the same boat where you’re trying to hold it together and your butterflies are going but you’re all there doing it.
MB: Yeah, definitely I think looking back at even my own experience. I think the things that really helped me mature you know between freshman, sophomore, junior and senior year like you said is sometimes going through the thick of it right. Not necessarily always having your parents with you, being able to go to them and you’re gonna be in situations where you really miss your family. There’s a lot of academic pressure. Especially if you play sports, balancing that schedule and having that time management. But at the same time having people around you who are pouring into you and I think the underrated kind of group of people is friends. Like you also have friends
KM: Very important
MB: Who are going through the same exact thing far away from home. You know at Greenville we have over 30 countries represented here. 47 of the 50 states represented here. So it’s not just southern Illinois students. It’s you know you’re with people from California, Florida, Texas. You name it. So having those people going through the same exact thing that you’re going through that can really be you know something that encourages you along as well. So I think as a parent you can also trust that your child isn’t isolated in that sense. They’re not the only one going through that so I think that's one of the..
PS: So mark the sign of that. We watch time and time again through covid our boys, we will see them in their bedroom or the living room on a FaceTime or zoom call with a friend. I mean their connection and insistence to keep that vibrant when they’re isolated has been powerful. The relationships are real you know because they do spend time with each other, it’s just on a screen now. I think of schools that you only go to go to class and how different that is where people are isolated but don’t have somebody to turn to. The friends matter.
MB: I remember when I was graduating high school and my mom was like, the friends that you make in college are going to be you know much better than the friends now. I was like what are you talking about. But now that I’m graduated I’m seeing that those connections are gonna be long-lasting and that’s a lifeline you know. I think that pretty much concludes what you know what we had and wanted to talk about. Is there anything else that you guys wanted to talk about?
PS: I mean I think the only other topic we thought that's worth mentioning is like we have one of our boys is artistic and musical and the other is athletic. So we kind of see both where there as high school students they were looking at colleges thinking what do I want? Where do I want to be? That question of do you choose a school that’s big and impressive, which is good. I mean there's plenty of good to that or would you maybe consider the idea instead of sitting on the sidelines by saying I go to such and such school. Would you choose a school where you could participate and grow and be an active athlete or musician. All the difference in the world for our boys. They’re thrilled with the ways they’re connected and involved here. Not to say we have bad programming in here either I don’t mean in that way, but you know they're not sitting on the sidelines or off that activity for four years which is sometimes the experience.
KM: I’m gonna chime in on that real quick because I think you hit a nail in our coffin because I think as some parents they try to push their kids to go to a big school or something like that because of the name or around who to pick people they may know. My own personal experience I went to a junior college first back at home that nobody really wanted to go, but it was like number two or three in the country for just education, just a learning period. It’s just it has so thick stigma about it saying if you go here you’re not gonna leave here you’re gonna stick around and just be around all the time. But it didn’t stick with me because it was a fact if I wanted to venture out and branch out just like you said just having that knowing what part you want to do for yourself and what part you just ain’t having to chime in as a parent saying like hey do this for you, do what’s best for you. Don’t think about how come everybody else. What’s gonna be best for you and how can you help yourself grow to be the best person you should be.
MB: I definitely think that also speaks to kind of the experience or hands-on learning portion. It’s almost like it’s in tandem icons. It’s intentional as well as it just happens to be that way when you have a smaller community where you can get involved in many more things. The groups that you have on campus that you can really like dive into and I believe that those honestly truly like once you leave college rather than just having that degree and being able to say here’s the education that I got, you also get a set of skills by exercising those you now being indifferent whether it’s artistic or sports or it’s like something like student government,
PS: Clubs
MB: right any club whatever it is. You take that into the next workplace that you go to and you’re able to have these experiences with different people trying to accomplish let’s say a common goal and I think that's something that lasts a lifetime. Those memories and the skills that you get at a University like Greenville so yeah that kind of concludes what we wanted to talk about. Thank you guys for listening.
MB: And just to recap that was Paul and Terri Sunderland just kind of giving us a perspective from their experience as parents who have sent their children to private you know Christian Universities and so hopefully this helps you out if whether you’re a parent or an incoming student as far as what to expect especially when we’re talking about faith and things of those matters. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. Hope you guys have a great day.
